There is something particularly unsettling about a person who seems wonderful to everyone else.
They are warm in meetings. They remember names. They know exactly what to say to senior managers. They can appear calm when everyone else is stressed.
Then, somehow, you leave conversations with them feeling confused, anxious or strangely drained.
If that sounds familiar, you may have wondered whether you are dealing with a manipulative personality—or even what popular culture calls a “corporate psychopath.”
That label deserves caution.
Psychopathy is a complex psychological construct, and simply being charming, ambitious, emotionally reserved or difficult does not mean someone has psychopathy or any other personality disorder. There is no reliable workplace checklist that allows you to diagnose a colleague from their behavior.
But there is another part of this story that deserves much more attention: what a chronically unhealthy workplace relationship can do to your health.
When Work Starts Following You Home
A stressful meeting is one thing.
Feeling tense before opening your work email, replaying conversations late at night, worrying about what someone might say about you, or constantly wondering whether you can trust the people around you is something else.
The World Health Organization identifies workplace factors such as excessive workload, lack of control, poor support and negative behaviors as potential risks to mental health. Its guidance emphasizes that healthier workplaces require action at the organizational level—not simply telling workers to become better at “coping.”
And this matters at every age.
For older workers, workplace stress can arrive alongside other pressures: caring for family members, managing chronic health conditions, preparing financially for retirement, or adapting to changing technology and responsibilities.
There may simply be less room in the day for another source of emotional strain.
The Health Clues May Be Surprisingly Ordinary
The first warning signs are not necessarily dramatic.
Sometimes they look like:
- Trouble falling asleep after a difficult workday
- Constant worrying about the next interaction
- Headaches or muscle tension
- Feeling mentally exhausted
- Difficulty concentrating
- Irritability or low mood
- Losing enthusiasm for activities you normally enjoy
- Feeling constantly “on guard” at work
None of these symptoms proves that another person is responsible.
They can have many causes, including ordinary life stress, medical conditions, medications, anxiety or depression.
But when symptoms repeatedly appear alongside a particular workplace environment, that pattern is worth noticing.
Research on work and mental health has consistently pointed toward factors such as excessive demands, low control, insecurity and lack of respect or support as important contributors to psychological distress.
Why Older Adults Shouldn’t Simply “Put Up With It”
There is an old-fashioned idea that professional toughness means tolerating almost anything.
Keep your head down.
Don’t complain.
Finish your career.
Ignore the office politics.
But protecting your health is not weakness.
The WHO notes that mental health can influence emotional, cognitive, social and physical well-being, while healthier work environments can help people remain productive and engaged.
For someone approaching retirement, that may be especially important. Years spent in a stressful workplace should not automatically be accepted as the price of earning a living.
And if you are working beyond traditional retirement age, maintaining a healthy work environment can become part of maintaining quality of life itself.
Look for Patterns, Not Labels
This is perhaps the most important distinction.
Instead of asking, “Is my coworker a psychopath?”, ask:
“What is repeatedly happening here, and what effect is it having on me?”
Does the person regularly change expectations without acknowledging it?
Do conversations leave you confused about what was actually agreed?
Are concerns repeatedly dismissed?
Do you feel pressured to keep information secret?
Does communication become hostile when you disagree?
Are people routinely blamed rather than problems being solved?
One unpleasant interaction proves very little.
A persistent pattern is much more meaningful.
Recent organizational research also emphasizes that workplace “gaslighting” is still an emerging area of study, and that proving another person’s intention can be difficult. The experience can involve trivializing concerns and creating confusion or self-doubt, particularly when there is a power imbalance.
That is why trying to read someone’s mind can become a dead end.
You don’t necessarily need to know why someone behaves badly to recognize that the behavior is unhealthy.
Protect Your Health Without Playing Detective
If workplace interactions are repeatedly leaving you distressed, focus on facts rather than amateur diagnosis.
Keep important work decisions clear and professional. Confirm significant agreements through normal workplace communication. Save relevant documentation according to your employer’s policies.
Try not to isolate yourself.
A trusted colleague, supervisor, mentor, union representative or human-resources professional may provide another perspective, depending on your workplace.
And pay attention to your health.
If persistent workplace stress is accompanied by ongoing sleep problems, anxiety, depressed mood, physical symptoms or difficulty functioning, consider discussing those symptoms with a healthcare professional. You don’t have to prove that another person caused your distress before asking for help.
Sometimes the Body Is Telling You Something
There is no need to imagine a mysterious “predator” hiding behind every charming smile.
Real workplace problems can be much more ordinary—and still matter.
Bullying matters.
Harassment matters.
Chronic uncertainty matters.
Lack of control matters.
Being repeatedly undermined matters.
And prolonged stress deserves attention.
WHO and the International Labour Organization recommend addressing workplace mental-health risks through organizational changes, manager training, worker support and other evidence-based measures rather than placing the entire burden on the individual.
That is an important shift in perspective.
You don’t necessarily need to expose someone’s personality.
You need to protect your own well-being.
The Question Worth Asking
The most revealing question may not be “What’s wrong with that person?”
It may be:
“What is this environment doing to me?”
If your answer includes poor sleep, constant worry, exhaustion, loss of confidence or a growing sense that you are never able to relax, don’t automatically dismiss it as part of getting older or simply “office politics.”
Work can be an important source of purpose, connection and independence. But it can also become a source of psychological strain.
And sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is stop trying to decode the person behind the smile—and start paying attention to what your own well-being is telling you.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-black-suit-jacket-while-using-laptop-3789100/